Reservoir

by Grand Wagoneer

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price

     

1.
02:40
2.
02:57
3.
03:54
4.
5.
6.
7.
03:52
8.
03:56
9.
10.
04:49
11.
03:38

credits

released March 29, 2017

This album would not exist without the following incredible people: Rachel, Rick, Dan, Dad, Mom, Emmy, E, Conor, and all of my other friends from home and school who have supported, encouraged, and critiqued all of my musical endeavors. "Reservoir" is for you.

Additional infinite thanks to the following contributors:

Judy Schmitz - clarinet and bass clarinet composition and performance on "Charlotte"
Rachel Coons - backing vocal composition and performance on "Charlotte"
Rick Carl - piano and backing vocal composition and performance, mixing on "Warm And New"
Frédéric Chopin - composition on "Transmission"

All other composition, performances, and production by Ben Schmitz.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Grand Wagoneer Rochester, New York

From Massachusetts, living in Rochester, and awaiting a cease and desist from Jeep. In the meantime, hoping that you listen and enjoy.

contact / help

Contact Grand Wagoneer

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Diplomat
I'd self describe as a non-believing acolyte
half-heartedly agreeing to everything to avoid a fight.

Tell me I should be a way and that's the way I try to be.
Take me into your hands and sculpt me. Don't leave anything up to me.

Am I a diplomat,
or just a
coward? I can't recollect
the last time I meant what I said.

I could be the perfect guy as long as I do not reveal
the bitter things I think at times and my old wounds that never healed.

I should be the perfect guy, she'll want me then, she'll hold me tight.
I am willing to sacrifice my self for her by my side.

I'll tell her I'm in love.
I'll lie through
my teeth if it makes her love too.
Doesn't matter if its based in truth.
Track Name: I Wore White
Why did mother cry
when the television said to watch the sky?

And why does father pray?
He's a observant every Sunday, but why today?

Why do teachers make
us hide under our desks in case the windows break?

I watch the sky,
and I wear white.

[Sample 1]
We all know the atomic bomb is very dangerous. Since it may be used against us, we must get ready for it, just as we are ready for many other dangers that are around us all the time.

Why does daddy lie
about the fear I see behind his eyes? He's terrified.

I hear the men in town.
They say that either way by next year we'll be underground.

Faith has left my side.
If god almighty loves us would he let us die?

Atoms divide,
And we all wear white.
And we all wear white.
And we all wear...

[Sample 2]
To make a world in which all of God's children can live, or to go into the dark. We must either love each other, or we must die.
Track Name: Charlotte
It was the spring when first he came to me.
It was the spring when first I knew
he would be the one to first be one with me.
My bildungsroman from out of the blue.

The lilacs bloomed purple and I knew it was true:
what was lust before him now my love born anew.

It was the summer and we lived in bliss.
It was the summer when mother found out
of our unholy joining, our Corinthians kiss.
Magnolias child couldn't be found in the grass.

Bradford pear in bloom, how their smell filled the room.
It was August then and the equinox loomed.

It was in autumn that we said our goodbyes.
It was in autumn we agreed to make it work.
Oh my aster, I could not let it die.
Grow up from, don't return to the earth.

And he told me he loved me but he wrote it in prose
So the aster dies the magnolia grows.

And the weight of the ice, oh how it split us in half.
Like a Bradford pear we were split we were cracked.

I never saw him again.
Track Name: Tumbling Thrashing
A passing remark about someone else plants in me a sinister seed.
Any kind word or compliment requires I ask myself how he competes.

He tumbles around in my daydreams, I imagine shared glances, you smiling.
But when we're together he retreats, I find the love in your arms that I know is only for me.

You start to speak and admit that lately you've found him in your fantasies.

I know when you say it's a harmless indulgence that you're telling the truth,
but the seed's bursting out its roots deep in me now and down there they are smothering you.

He's thrashing around in our narrative, I imagine your bodies, him smiling.
I can't get him out, so I'll divert myself the only way that I know how.

But I can't hide the sting in my sleeves.
Don't blame yourself baby, it was my prophecy
that proved self fulfilling.

Afraid of a problem, I created one.
Afraid of a phantom, I damaged us.

You need some time alone, you won't hear from me.
When you see me around you will run from me.

I'll dream of you smiling.
Track Name: I Live Like a Moth
But it wasn't the petty things like that that ended it.
I'd be lying if I tried to sell some story of betrayal or disloyalty.
Reality's never that simple.

In the wake of all my thrashing you sought silence.
In the absence of my voice you spoke and you listened for the echo.
When it arrived it came as a sound you didn't recognize:
a chorus of voices that horrified with their exclusion of your own.

You knew then that you needed to be alone.
As much as it hurt, you had to let me go.

In the wake of all my thrashing you sought silence.
In the absence of my voice you spoke and you listened for the echo.
When it arrived it came as a sound you didn't recognize:
a chorus of voices that horrified with their exclusion of your own.

I want nothing more than for us both to be happier
even if it means that the last year is a lone volume.
We will both come out of this stronger,
together or apart. We have to figure out who we are

outside of each other, outside of love.
Sometimes you can't grow without sacrificing
the comforting clutching of another.
Dependence is all that we knew but it left us stunted.
There's an odd liberation that comes hand in hand with loneliness
and it's given me time to reflect.
Track Name: Empire State
Who am I
to complain or protest if you just can't find the time
for me and my affections, my letters and boxes, my words and my rhymes.

I wish we could go back to when our love spilled out over the floor.
My amniotic bliss in your arms made me feel I needed nothing more

than your love surrounding me for the rest of my life.
My dependence on you would be cause for concern if you stopped being mine.

I hope to god that that doesn't happen.
Our love is strong, not to be concerned about,
but the distance does it harm, no doubt.

Don't forget me, I know its hard.
Wish a state line in between us didn't feel so far.

Never have felt like i couldn't trust you,
but my jealous paranoias always feel so real

I've only ever hated any time spent away
cause I know it doesn't hurt for you in quite the same way.

I will always love you baby
as long as you love me the same.

But who am I
to proclaim or suggest that you are of holy design.
To say you were conceived just for me would suffocate more than claim you as mine.

Things have changed and the empire state grows wider by the day.
Despite the fact that I'm trying hard to hold on I fear you're slipping away.

I am begging you please don't leave me.
I don't know why though, I'm miserable.
I'm just delaying the inevitable.

Don't forget me, I know its hard.
Wish a state line in between us didn't feel so far.

Never have felt like i couldn't trust you,
but my jealous paranoias always feel so real

I've only ever hated any time spent away
cause I know it doesn't hurt for you in quite the same way.

I could have always loved you baby
if only you had loved me the same.
Track Name: Warm and New
A year ago I stepped backwards.
At the time it was comfortable,
but before long it just hurt again.
I relived all the agony,
then I buried my past alive without regret.

I-90's six hours
never felt so empowering.
Left all my baggage from back home
on the side of the road.
Felt at home for the first time in 5 months,
walking down all the same halls.
Loving living, loving no one,
but before long, a new spark ignited itself.

She was so metropolitan,
but it hadn't been long enough for my heart to thaw again.
So we'd just be friends
and spend a weeks worth of nights
in the snow, letting the moonlight
erode my walls and place inside
a warmth meant to compromise
the ice surrounding my will to love.
Her and the moon were enough.
A Pleistocene flood of loving ensued.

Had thought that solitude was best for me,
but the warmth of her affection wrote our winter rhapsody.
Together keeping out the cold,
we abandoned all our worries and just watched the snow fall.
Track Name: Saying Goodbye
Darling, don't you fret.
Don't fear what hides in the dark or dwells right under your bed.

Close your eyes.
I'm with you now, I'll be here all night.

You'll find me in your dreams.
I'll love you the same there as I do corporeally.

You and I,
never saying goodbye,
in the middle of the night.

You'll wake up,
dawn will bring a new day just for the two of us.

You and I,
never saying goodbye,
in the middle of the night.
Track Name: Transmission
My friends say I'm aloof,
emotionally recluse,
and I keep it that way
long as it keeps the pain at bay.

I make this transaction daily,
trading expression for safety.
Can't make it easy to love me,
so thank God they do anyways.

But I'm afraid my beloved
thinks my loves like a wire
being stretched by the distance
and tugging will snap it, not bring us together.

If I'm not there with her
will her love for me wither?
Without my kiss to convince her
does my loving survive the transmission?

I've been hiding my whole life.
Built a bunker, now I'm trapped inside.
Can't remember the last time
I told my friends that I love them,
told my family I think of them more than they know.

No one stays here forever.
They move away or depart for
a white gate that I'm not sure
that I even believe in.

May never see them again.
I'll live alone with regret
that I was afraid to express
just how much I loved all of them.
Track Name: Reservoir
I tried to leave you.
I tried to leave you all behind,
but you've spun a web of memories so god damn tight
escape doesn't feel right.

I'll always be
indebted to my history.

I've lived my whole life.
I've lived my whole life in your backyard
and now at last I feel it's time I find my own.
You'll be ghosts in my new home.

You can't come with me,
but in me you'll always be embodied.

Now I see you.
Now I see you all right here in front of me.
My ethereal company.

The mad crowd that bore me.
The organism that spit me out.

I owe it all

[Sample]
How very much I've loved you.
How very much I've tried my best to give you a good life.

to you all. Fond farewell.